Category: Pregnancy ◗

I was just telling a few of my friends who are hesitant to get pregnant with number 2 because being pregnant with number 1 was so effing overwhelming.

Let me explain how I feel.

So pregnancy with JJ (number 1) was tough for me. I went from partying and socializing and trips and friends all day every day to a complete 180 life change. I was sick af in the beginning which made me a tad depressed. It was a life change I was not ready for. I was excited to be pregnant but I also had no idea what I was in for so it was a wild ride. The unknown will get ya!

I am enjoying this pregnancy SO MUCH MORE than pregnancy number one.

With JJ my life completely changed, with this pregnancy I am already in mom mode. Jerry and I already hit the sheets at 10, we don’t stay out late on weekends anymore, like we are already in parent mode. No shell shock with this pregnancy. We actually are getting along better because we know what to expect (mood swings wise) and how to navigate certain situations.

Pregnant with JJ I had no clue what I was waiting for. I knew I was having a baby but I had no idea how much I would love this human so it was kind of underwhelming. I was like okay this long waiting game is boring and like why did I do this? I was excited to give birth simply to be done with pregnancy, I wasn’t exactly excited to meet this babe. This time I am like okay I am ready to meet youuuuuuuu!!!!! I am SO excited to meet this little human being.

I was overwhelmed with joy when JJ was born, not sure if it was an instant connect, my post partum anxiety was little much. It wasn’t chart topping anxiety but it was enough to not thoroughly enjoy newborn life. In fact, I hated it. I’m not sure if that is because I was too anxious to enjoy it? Probably. I have a good feeling that this go around I will be way more present and relaxed, taking in all newborn snuggles I can.

That is my take on pregnancy number two. I have about a month and half left and I cannot believe I have room in my heart to love another human but I trust that I will.

It’s finally real. I promise you I thought I would be pregnant for the rest of my life. The fact that I am 32 weeks is so surreal. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried (a lot), I’m happy, I’m sad. I’m not exactly sure I can even recall what I ate for breakfast this morning tbh.

Thinking back on this journey it’s such a miracle that we even got pregnant. It isn’t an easy thing to do and the stars aligned for sure. This overwhelms me with gratitude, I truly wouldn’t change it for the world. I used to be so frustrated that I had to carry the baby for almost a year while Jerry’s life remained the same but now I actually feel bad that he doesn’t get the chance to experience these kicks and leaps happening in my stomach. I mean not to mention, it’s pretty bad ass that my body is not only is growing a human but somehow I’ll find the strength to push it out into the world. Then raise it? Who let this happen? Do I get a lifetime supply of wine after?

Now don’t get me wrong, pregnancy isn’t a cake walk and I don’t exactly enjoy all of it. If we’re being honest, I don’t enjoy most of it. It’s a wild ride. Oh and in the summer *L-O-L*. I really should’ve listened to the moms who would tell me “oh God you have a lonnnngg summer ahead of you” because it is in fact the longest summer of my life. I am not kidding you people that don’t even usually drink are drinking. Walking to the beach is a funny joke too because you really can’t breath to begin with and your body temp is already at 1000 degrees, so. People tell you SO MANY THINGS. Ah you’ll be fine! Eat your way through it! But that doesn’t really appeal to me. Idk maybe the thought of gaining 100 lbs on top of being a social recluse is scary to me? Working out is a huge release, love my Orange Theory classes. There’s highs and lows. Just gotta go with it.

At this point I have had enough. I’ve been through the first tri nausea and the second tri bliss. I have exactly 2 months left and I am trying my best to enjoy but I really just want to meet this baby. Dare I say I’m excited for labor? I know all of you moms out there are friggin cringing. “Omg enjoy this time alone, self-care, take a nap!” I’m sorry but that just isn’t me. I’m not a patient person, I self-care to the max regardless of being pregnant or not, and I don’t nap. Like ever. Fucking sucks but my body like refuses naps. If pregnancy isn’t for you, that is fine. I hear ya sista sledge. That doesn’t mean we aren’t grateful. I am beyonnnnddd grateful. Every day I thank God for this miracle. Sometimes I’ll be like holy shit how did this happen.

What I’ve learned.

For the love of God please do you. Do what makes you happy, not what makes your mom, significant other, or friends happy. If you don’t want to go somewhere, don’t. If you need a day off, call out. I think it is easy for people to chalk off pregnancy as simply carrying around a human for 10 months. Not the case. Your body is no longer yours. Your brain is at a rapid decline. Your shit scheduled isn’t even the same. Oh AND absolutely everyone in the world is going to get on your nerves at some point so just breathe. Huff some oils baby. It’s not going to work because it just is what it is I just want to prep you. Your significant other won’t get you, your mom forgets about her pregnancy so she won’t get you. Just don’t expect much because your hormones are going to win this one. They always win. You have to take care of YOU. Connect with those who get you. I promise, it’ll make you feel so much better.

What a breath of fresh air. Holy friggin shit. Dare I say I like being pregnant? [JK, that was my hormones]

That is, if your nausea and fatigue symptoms have passed. Condolences if they haven’t. I said it before and I will say it again, you deserve an award. It’s true hell.

Now that my energy is back I’m sure Jerry wants me dead because I am in nesting mode, updating and repainting every room in the house to prepare. In my mind, I’ll be immobile in my third trimester and after birth I’ll be a slave to my newborn. Why not barrel down the hatches now?

First child pregnancy is amazing and boring all at the same time. My sleep schedule is impeccable. Well rested. No toddler to chase around. Self-care is happening on the reg. But on the other hand, it gets quite boring for that same exact reason. Before pregnancy, life was social. Very, very social. While I enjoy this chapter of my life, I’m uhmm limited.

God forbid you say pregnancy isn’t really your thing, people have strokes. Back it up Nancy, nobody said I wasn’t grateful. I’m beyond blessed and very aware of it. Just a tad bored. Plus, summer is around the corner and who doesn’t want a nice spritzer on the beach? [WARNING: I am saying what many people think, so if you’re offended please stop reading and I apologize, I am currently just as sensitive as you are. I get it.]

Here’s where it gets tricky. Now that people know you are pregnant, the comments are just…

At the same time you are in mom mode so your brain is all alert and sensitive and weird. If you try to explain to someone why you’re a tad bored of pregnancy from your point of view people try to find remedies for you – which is totally nice and normal – but you don’t want to hear it. Trying to explain to someone who is on their 5^th beer that my outlet options are kind of limited is frustrating. Have another glass Nancy, I’ll be over here petting my stomach trying to stay awake while Kathy tells me the same story for the third time. *forced smile*

“What do you mean? Enjoy this time! Go to the gym!” Oh honey, I go to the gym and pamper myself when I’m not pregnant so buzz off. “You have to find a way to have fun without alcohol.” Ok Nance, you try going to a 30^th birthday party where everyone is lit and you’re sober. “You’re not going to find out the gender?? You’re nuts!! Why would you not??” My own moms like, “well you know how you get.” Me? Mom, I’m perfect. Please.

Again, it’s not wrong of anyone to have these comments, I used to make them myself! I still do! People are truly, genuinely nice and trying to relate. However, you feel how you feel and it’s so much cooler when you find the person who’s like, “God bless ya hunny, it’s going to be a longgggg summer with that big ass belly and no cocktails.” My eyes light up. I’m like, “Giiiirrrllll let me tell youuuu about it. It’s been a long winter! Pull up a chair.”

Do what makes you happy! Don’t want to sit through a happy hour? Don’t! You know yourself way more than anyone else and now is not the time to do things you don’t feel like doing. Not the girl who can still hang pregnant? Who tf cares? I’m not. I yawn and want to put a face mask on and rub my stomach. Don’t care.

Also, you can totally have a glass of wine here and there. Weddings tend to be tiresome so have a glass of red and have it proud! Drink your 12 oz of coffee your allotted to (fking brutal – I do 6oz in the am and 6 I the afternoon), eat your cooked sushi. Do friggin you. Now a day’s society makes you think you can’t even fart without your kid coming out with 4 eyes. Just relax. An uptight momma means an uptight baby. I am so blessed to have the doctors I do at the McConnell division. They’re so down to earth. “I mean yeah avoid seafood like swordfish but I mean have you ever even had swordfish? Exactly.”

I’m sure I’ll be singing a different tune once the little babe arrives. I really can’t wait for that. To raise a little human is truly the greatest, most powerful gift you can ever give. These posts are just how I feel now. Writing them for myself and for those who feel the same. May you never stifle your voices. Your emotions are just as important as the glowing pregnant girl who wants 10 kids and can’t wait to carry them all. Power to her too! You kill it bb.

In fact, it was terrible. I’ll say it.

Please, please, please keep in mind that every single pregnancy is different and absolutely everyone has their own experiences, thoughts and feelings. I just want to share mine so that those who are going through it don’t feel so alone.

So I had a wine + oils night at my house (shocker) on January 24^th and called mags before to tell her my body is acting strange and I know my body pretty friggin well. Bring a pregnancy test when you come over tonight. I’m not going to take it until Tuesday because I’m not even late and I don’t want to waste your test. Everyone leaves and after 3 glasses of red, I pour my last one out knowing damn well that it was going to be my last for a very long time. Went upstairs, took the test and almost fell off the can.

Emotions. I was so unbelievably excited I woke Jerry up (12:30am to be exact, poor dude) and he is like hold up I thought you were getting your period (TMI). I had every single symptom, so I did as well, hence why I almost fell off the pisser. This is also why we bought puppy Joe off Bob the bartender after a Sunday day load at Cuddys Brookline. Now I had a puppo and a human on the way. Did not sleep a single wink that night. So many thoughts and emotions, not an oil in the world could help me.

“Omg I am SO grateful, this is unreal. I guess I’ll tell my mom? Is it too early? Wow. Do I take another test? Could it be wrong? Like holy smokes. Jerry goes right back to sleep. I do not sleep a wink. Cried the whole next day because I was so happy/emotional/overtired.

Shell shock. This being my first pregnancy, I think what you don’t factor in is how much your life will change when you actually do get pregnant. My world was just flipped upside down with joy, gratitude, so much love, all the tears and fear. It’s like breaking up with your past life, which I was totally ready for but not at the same time if that makes sense.

There’s the whole, your life was a big party and social events aren’t exactly ideal anymore (I’ll say it). Social events in the first trimester when you are trying to keep it a secret and not throw up are crippling to say the least. It was my birthday weekend so I had all the dinners that could ever be planned so that was fun. Especially if you are sick and tired like I was. I could barely eat or keep my eyes open. My patience was nonexistent. Scratch that, it was in the negatives. The “morning sickness” was actually “all day sickness”. I didn’t even like to be around me. I would literally sit in my car and cry because I was so frustrated at how I felt and I didn’t want to be dramatic about it – as if crying in my car wasn’t dramatic enough. It truly was like waking up every single morning with a stomach bug sprinkled with the flu with a food poison cherry on top. Every single day. For about 2.5 months. Couldn’t use or smell any of my oils. Super B and Ningxia became the only things I could take down and not want die after. Carbs were cool.

My mom never experienced this illness so she was like “omg get over yourself”. Jerry didn’t get it so I started to feel alone and hated myself for not being this glowing pregnant woman skipping around and whistling. Please reread that. Your partner is not going to get it and it is not their fault. They aren’t the one going through these hormonal, body and life changes. That was the toughest for me to swallow because I always have had such an easy time expressing my emotions to loved ones that when both my mom and Jerry didn’t get it I felt so alone. Am I going mad? Thank God for mags. I called her after an exhausting dinner and was like dude what is wrong with me??? She brought me back down to earth real quick.

Don’t get me wrong, there wasn’t a day that went by that I wasn’t SO grateful and in love with my baby, the connection for me was instant. It was just really hard to even think about that when the only symptoms you have are nausea, fatigue, sore tits and severe mood swings. I was no longer in control of my body and emotions.

All worth it. The 8-week appointment was incredible, it became real. Of course you have the whole “what if there’s nothing in there” anxiety chat with yourself because if you say it out loud people think you’re insane. The heartbeat had me sobbing until the minute I pulled back into work. We were like wow this is a true miracle. God has seriously blessed us. How can we be so lucky? My best friend is literally living in my stomach.

So what I want to say is that the hunnies going through it right now, I get you. If you don’t feel good you don’t feel good. It is OK to let yourself get a little frustrated. Our feelings are very important. They count. They matter. Feel it and don’t feel bad about it. I’m not saying walk around hissing at people because you can’t eat let alone smell food because that’s just mean. Just keep pushing through and reminding yourself that the second trimester is euphoric (for most, sorry for those who have sickness the whole 9 months, you literally deserve a friggin holiday dedicated to you) and you are taking part in a miracle. Not many can say that. I am in the second trimester now and it really is all they say. This crazy, hormonal journey is so, so worth it. I never feel alone and I think about him/her all the time. I truly cannot wait to hold this babe and teach him/her that they can literally do and be anything that they want. The world is yours baby M.