Whether you have 1 kid or 5, stay at home or work, I see you, I am you, I’m flailing as well.
I had JJ in October and we were cooped up inside all winter while I tried to figure out how to be a mom, battle post partum anxiety, and deal with ground hogs day – every, single, day.
I didn’t go back to my full time job but I have my own business going on where I can work from home and have a flexible schedule. Seriously blessed to be able to have this opportunity and watch my son grow but have you ever tried to WFH with an infant let alone a kid of any age? It’s impossible. So I decide to get a sitter at least 2-3 times a week while I would go to Starbucks and work. This was simply amazing. Just what I needed, I felt back to myself again.
Then this shit happened. I think I got to enjoy ooh maybe 2 months of working outside of the home again (not even). Basically my maternity leave has been extended til further notice without any help from anyone, ever and nowhere to go except for a walk around the block – IF the weather permits which for the most part it has not. I feel that “is this my life now” feeling creeping back and it sucks. Now my husband is home working in what was once my office so it’s like a double kick because we are in each others spaces and he can’t even lend a hand because his show must go on. Most days I envy him having his own space and freedom to work. Though I love the flexibility of my job I am literally entertaining a 7 month old all day while trying to work a job that though flexible, requires a ton of communication and hard work. It’s an around the clock gig and I am trying to squeeze it into the 45 minutes naps I am getting. Legit bottle in one hand, laptop or phone in the other.
The word is draining. Some days I am fine, some days I wake up like “again?”. Many days I get to my breaking point. Then the mom guilt comes in. That’s the best. After trying to keep your shit together you lose it and you’re like damn I didn’t mean to do that. The hardest part is that there is no relief. No places to go, no people to help you out. It truly takes a village to raise children and right now us moms are working with a few lone soldiers who are freaking tired. I know we are all dealing with this in different way but I figured if anyone is on my page they might find some solace in this piece.
Today was rough. And it’s 3pm … Tomorrow could be better, it could very well not be. C’est la vie.